My names Nick im a student at College of the Canyons, but its pretty much 13th grade. I like to debate about issues and piss people off.
December 8, 2009
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Thoughts From 10:30 PM
I always have my best thoughts, my clearest thoughts late at night, right before I go to sleep. I have no clue why. Usually it is far after I turn off my computer. Fortunately, I had a thought process going before I actually turned off my computer.
I was thinking about today. This morning in my acting class, I bombed my monologue. Not forgot every single word bomb, but as an actor, I did terrible. I have been thinking about this failure and why I failed at it. I realized that as I was performing, I did not put myself in the perspective of the character, but still in my mind tried jumping from point A to point B, just praying I would not forget a line. I was still in the mode of a writer and not as an actor. I did not create drama with my words. I instead just gave a narrative. I told the drama, not showed it. I did not realize a difference between drama and just narrative because narrative to me created its own drama. I did not realize the difference until my teacher brought up how a couple monologues showed narrative instead of drama. My performance was probably not as bad as it is in my mind, but it was not perfect. I just hope my grade does not suffer too much even though we did nothing in that class. I want to get an A in that class. Anything less and then I honestly dont know what I will do.
I guess I’m frustrated because it is a failure for me. I was not perfect or anywhere remotely close to standards I have set for myself. I have been frustrated perpetually lately. My failure to get a job, which my dad mentions at every chance. My failure to make plenty of close friends at CSUN. My failure to get the guts to talk to a girl. I am almost borderline like Raj from Big Bang Theory. I’m failing to get anywhere near my goal of going to a law school. My dad is right. I am turning this into high school all over again. I havent made myself less pathetic despite my delusions that I had. Senior year of AOC, I genuinely made myself less pathetic. This year at college, I undid all that. I’m just frustrated.
On that note, I genuinely think I did well on my statistics test today. Of course, whenever I think that, I just set myself up for disappointment. But I am starting to get the feeling that the statistics final will be kind to me and I will pull of an A in that class.
yea i wouldnt worry so much ive been going through the same problem . Im just going to actually put a REAL effort next semester and see where that takes me. Life is too short to let the small things sweat you
